This is part 2 of a previous post on creative ways to say happy birthday. Since that page drives 85% of my site’s traffic, I added more.

Test to see if they’re getting old

• (On a birthday card, write in very small letters) You are not old if you can read this without using a magnifying glass or even your spectacles!

If they are getting older, tell them this sad truth. Yup, no way around reality.

• Some words of wisdom for your birthday, “Smile while you still have teeth!”
• With age comes wisdom. (You’re one of the wisest people I know!)
• One more year of existence down the drain. Happy Birthday!
• You’re not thirty; you’re eighteen with twelve years of experience.
• Happy Birthday on your very special day, I hope that you don’t die before you eat your cake.
• On your birthday, let me wish you plenty of joy, I know you’re too old, but I still bought you a toy!
• Inside every older person is a younger person – wondering what the hell happened.

But let them know growing old is okay.

• Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.
• Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
• You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime.
• A well-adjusted woman is one who not only knows what she wants for her birthday, but even knows what she’s going to exchange it for.
• Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
• Let us respect gray hairs, especially our own.
• Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you have not committed.

Omaybe you want to rub a little salt in that wound.

• You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
• Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.
• Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
• Here’s the secret to look younger: Dress like a teenager with baggy, oversized clothes they will hide your baggy, oversized body.
• You can count on me to not send you one of those rude and insulting cards about getting another year older because I know how sensitive old people can be about their age.
• Inflation is when you pay 30 dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.
• As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.
• Happy birthday, you old fart.
• Oh my god you’re old.
• “Some people, no matter how old they get, never lose their beauty – they merely move it from their faces into their hearts.” – Martin Buxbaum
• Another year, another new place that aches.

Suggest they can get away with pretending to be younger.

• The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
• You are as old as you can act.

Tell them getting older is okay because being young is worse

• When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

Say these to friends with whom you can kid around.

• Happy Uterus Liberation Day
• Congrats. It’s the anniversary of how you were squeezed out of your mom’s ***|\*|.
• You know, studies have shown that those who have the most birthdays live the longest.
• (Wait a week, then say) That was last week? Oh shit. Well, happy birthday.