David Xia

Category Archives: Internet

Automatically Post Happy Birthday for Facebook Birthdays

2012-02-14T13:09:54+00:00 | By

It’s interesting that the most read page on my blog is the one on creative ways to say happy birthday. There are numerous google searches that direct visitors to that page every month. This is a somewhat related post about how I’m trying to write a computer program that check’s Facebook for my friends’ birthdays and post a happy birthday wish on their wall. I can then schedule this program to run once a day, each time posting a canned response to their wall, and I’ll never have to worry about not saying happy birthday again. more

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Twitter Bot Success!

2010-11-13T18:01:11+00:00 | By

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Use Google Adsense to Quit Job and Buy Porsche Carerra GT

2012-02-09T14:46:07+00:00 | By

BREAKING NEWS: Yesterday, I earned an entire quarter from my ads! I’m going to quit my job soon. At my current rate of 6 clicks per 2,757 page impressions and a hoped for annual income of only $2 million (I need to buy a Porsche Carerra GT), I’ll only need about 21 billion more visits to my site (21,207,692,300 to be exact). more

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Ninjavideo Died! Back to Real Life!

2011-08-22T17:11:51+00:00 | By

When I found out that Ninjavideo.net had died several days ago, I cried. For those who don’t know/behind-the-times/actually paying for televisual entertainment, Ninjavideo is website where you can stream the latest TV shows and films in great quality absolutely free.

After I wiped away my tears, I discovered books and the joy of reading. A couple of mind-numbing minutes later, I started crying again from my brain hurting after I once again tried using it after hundreds of hours of televisual-aided-gray-matter-atrophy. That and books were filled with boring ink marks instead of moving images and sounds of limbs flying off in explosions, gratuitous sex, and Big Mac ads. more

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Google Adsense, So Cool!

2012-02-09T14:46:15+00:00 | By

For a long time I’ve considered putting ads on this blog. Not because I think I’ll make any significant amount of money. The traffic that goes through here is frankly quite pitiful. Maximum number of hits I’ve ever received in a day? 353. I had to write about a college student pissing in bottles to get that. I wanted to install ads to learn how they work.

So I signed up for Google Adsense. Can someone please read their terms and conditions and translate it for me? more

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Chinese Government Blocked Me, France Too

2012-02-11T00:32:48+00:00 | By

A friend sent my ever-useful Cantonese pick-up lines post to his cousin in Beijing. Unfortunately, his cousin cannot view it. Damn firewall of China! To make sure it was blocked instead of an outdated browser problem I checked for myself. Sure enough, this blog’s restricted in China. more

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Dear Perverted Reader…

2012-02-11T00:52:51+00:00 | By

To put it frankly: some of this shit is seriously fucked up. I’d never want to meet some of the people who are reading my posts. Why? Because these some of them searched: “biggest dildo death”, “i saw mommy naked,” etc. more

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Climaxed Her?

2012-02-09T16:30:47+00:00 | By

Captcha tells me to verify I’m a human by typing “climaxed her.” What are the chances of that? more

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Scariest Photo You’ll Ever See

2012-02-09T16:32:53+00:00 | By

This is a picture of a friend’s stomach taken sideways while he’s sitting down. I know what you’re thinking, “My crotch called. It wants its pubes back.” more

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Don’t Use Google Voice To Plan Conspiracy

2012-02-09T16:33:23+00:00 | By

Another creepy thing is the fact that even though I supposedly “deleted forever” this voicemail from my Google Voice account, I can still retrieve the original audio via the link above. I don’t even need to be logged into my account (which is how you can access it). Oh, the implications! I’ll keep that in mind next time I have an affair, plan a price fixing conspiracy, or flood the streets of Baltimore with heroine. Yup. Definitely won’t use Google Voice. more

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