Evil Testing Serpent


After writing about my friend’s subpar experience with the GREs, I went to Educational Testing Service’s downtown testing center for the GREs myself.

Located on the 2nd floor of 675 3rd Avenue and 42nd Street, I’d never guess this dreary section of a building is where so many hours of human productivity and potential go to die. All at the hands of the Evil Testing Serpent.

I surprised myself with a high score on math (even though I chose my last five answers without reading a word of the questions), failed verbal, and had fun on the analytical writing where I came close to criticizing ETS for making me waste $130 and 4 hrs of my time. I was almost about to write, “There should be some serious investigations into the nature of your shit.” I ran out of time.

The Test Center Administrator (TCA) who greeted me at the front desk made me show her I had turned off my mobile phone and gave me a key for locker 18. I read and signed out some stringent regulations and forms stating I would not discuss, disclose, or even think about the questions after I had left the test center. The next TCA checkpoint before entering the testing room (dozens of cubicles equipped with PCs and earmuffs with security cameras looking down) ensured I had nothing in my pockets except my ID and locker key. (By the way, what a dreary job.)

The testing center was operated by Prometric, a US test administration company with over 3 000 sites in 35 countries. Prometric is a subsidiary of the Evil Testing Serpent, and between the two of them they administer the SATs, GRE, TOEFL, CPA, and MCAT. So they pretty much control the judgment and direction of the nation’s brains. ETS, despite earning shit tons of money, is a nonprofit. The firm has a fiefdom-like campus in Princeton, NJ. They bungle tests and scores. I wish I had time on their test to finish my essay.