How I Got Pulled Over and Had My Identity Stolen


Two days after I graduated from Columbia University, I was pulled over by the police for the first time and my identity was stolen. It was like life saying, “Welcome to the real world” while giving two quick jabs to my face. Luckily, these two incidents weren’t as serious as they sound.

  1. I was pulled over for a broken headlight. A quick check of my license and registration and I was on my way. Thanks, officer.

  2. I’d like to take this chance to thank Bank of America. Besides the fact that there are no serious lawsuits against them yet, their automated phone system called me the day they spotted a funky transaction on my credit card. Here’s how it went down. BofA: “Yo, we don’t think you bought $350 of stuff at Target in Jersey City.” Me: “Uh, damn straight I didn’t.” BofA: “Okay, we’re going to credit your account for the full amount.” Me: “Sweet.” I have no idea who stole my number. The perp must’ve used it online because I never lost possession of my card. Fuckin’ Jersey.

So, I blocked and ducked these hits, aided by fraud protection and the fact that I was doing nothing wrong (I blame my parents for not taking care of that headlight). These two events are rather boring in the light of how they turned out. Maybe I’ll rob a bank to have a better post grad story.