The Best Roommate Horror Stories


We all have roommate horror stories. Here are some particularly bad ones I’ve heard from my friends.

  • The roommate who filmed a porno of herself and her boyfriend on your bed.
  • The roommate whose friends smoked pot and vomited in your dormitory floor’s communal male showers. This roommate stayed out late reenacting Fight Club scenes with his wrestling team, played video games all night during final exams with the volume on high, and one day began storing his urine in bottles and leaving them in his room indefinitely.
  • The female Korean roommate who became unemployed and collected unemployment checks after graduating from an Ivy League institution. She dyed her hair purple, but she did it in the bathtub which became purple until you spent an entire weekend bleaching and scrubbing the color out. Said roommate then asked your permission for a Danish male friend to crash at your two-bedroom apartment for two weeks. Two weeks turned into two months of the apartment’s only toilet clogged by rock-hard Danish turds, tardiness at your job from waiting for the bathroom in the morning, and listening to them sing Broadway duets every single day.
    • But there were advantages to having this female Korean roommate. While unemployed, she bought over $400 of liquor ranging from Frangelico to Vermouth and a shit-ton of frozen chicken nuggets that she ate for dinner. She installed a window air conditioning unit for your apartment. She didn’t bother taking either the alcohol or the AC unit when she moved out.
      • But there were downsides to these benefits. When your parents visited, you had to convince them that contrary to the bottles of Baileys Irish Cream you were not an alcoholic. To install the window AC unit, your roommate damaged the window by drilling holes into its metal frame.
        • She never updated her bank and billing accounts with her new postal address. So if you really wanted, you could drain her accounts, and you now know how much she’s paying for utilities at her new apartment.
  • The female roommate who wanted to make some extra cash. She responded to Craigslist personals by strangers who had the urge to urinate on other human beings and were willing to pay large sums of money to do so.
  • The roommate who washed his clothes once every three months. And when he did wash them, separated them into two piles. Not whites and colors. He sniffed each article of clothing. One pile was for the clothes that were putrid; the other for clothes that unless washed would be classified by the Environmental Protection Agency as a biohazard.
  • The college roommate whose friend projectile vomited in your shared dorm room. The vomit then soaked into the room’s carpet. The patch of carpet next to your bed emitted foul, sour odors for the rest of the school year.
  • The college roommate whose visiting friend got high and punched out all your dormitory floor’s ceiling panels. The school’s housing department assessed the damage to be in the thousands of dollars and slapped the liability on both of you.

Post your roommate horror stories below.