Modest Proposal, Let EasterCon Excuse More Public Inebriation


New Yorkers don’t drink enough. Sure, the weekend begins Thursday night when people get hammered and stumble hungover into work on Friday and just phone it in until 5pm. But there’s not enough celebrations like SantaCon and Saint Patrick’s Day to excuse dawn-to-dusk pub crawls, revealing outfits, and public urination on Christmas trees. Therefore, I propose the addition of the following new -cons. It’ll be tough to initiate, but I know New Yorkers can do it.

  • ConCon – wear orange jumpsuits and commit felonies
  • LeperCon – dress up as lepers
  • KongCon – dress up in gorilla suits and grab girls while climbing the Empire State Building
  • CongaCon – the city becomes one big Conga line
  • EasterCon – celebrate the end of Lent and Jesus’ resurrection by getting shitfaced at 11am