Why I Go With My Mother to Work on Vacation

|

I’ve gone with my mother to her job these past days of winter break. If I didn’t, I’d sleep till 10AM and watch TV and not exercise. Instead, my mom wakes me up at 7AM, I go to the local gym, and get a lot of work done without the distraction of the Internet. I feel very accomplished by 5PM.


Most Horrendous Gaffe Ever?

|

The president of a certain female liberal arts college once compared herself to the pope and the act of endorsing a political candidate to Jews devouring Christian babies.


How to Get Some Lean, Blue Ass

|

Jake Sully got away with infiltrating an alien clan, ruining a sacred arranged marriage, and betraying an entire planet’s trust. Did I mention that he also got a piece of lean, blue ass?


Why I Am Freezing to Death

|

I may soon have to heat water on the stove for a hot shower. Over the weekend, my father lowered the temperature of all the house’s thermostats. He was afraid the heating oil tank in our basement did not contain enough oil to adequately heat our house through the new year’s first weekend.

heating oil bargain
What a bargain

4 Bleak New Year’s Predictions

|

It’s a new year, and already the world’s off to a rough start. Last night I found myself telling a friend about my predictions for 2010. They’re bleak. Maybe I have a fascination with the macabre and apocalyptic. But remember, if any of them turn out to be true, you saw it here first.


I Saw Mommy Dancing in a Thong With Santa Claus

|

My friend told me he was recently involved in an “epic incident.” Since we go to different colleges, I asked him what happened. He sent me the following excerpt from his resident advisor’s logbook. I assume he received it in the mail with the rest of the notice that said his school was suspending him for a semester.


Is CNN Always Like This?

|

I hope CNN’s broadcasters are only this kooky during the holiday season. You know it’s Christmas when the anchor dances in her seat to Christmas jingles, the weatherman shares his personal travel plans, and the correspondents call each other by the wrong names.


Columbia Students Forget Their Sanity

|

Columbia University’s Dean of Student Advising sent an e-mail with “unsolicited advice” today:

  1. Take care of yourself. Sleep, eat healthy foods, take a ten-minute walk every once in a while, find some roses to smell.
  2. If the stress is getting to you, try working together with your friends to take care of one another.

Chinatown Bus, Worth the Risk?

|

The Chinatown bus is a bus line between New York City and Boston that has gained a reputation as a cheap, fly-by-night operation. Customers pay only $15 for the privilege of cheap thrills: flipping over off-ramps, losing wheels while traveling 70 miles per hour, and having their vehicle combust. Despite the spate of incidents two years ago, I’ve never had the chance to be involved in any of these incidents. I’ve always taken the Fung Wah because I can show up at the ticket booth anytime, pay $15, and be on my way to Boston or New York in half an hour. According to the Boston Globe, Fung Wah buses have crashed twice and driven over 3.03 million miles in the past 30 months. The distance of the Boston-NY route is 216 miles. That means Fung Wah buses have made 14,028 trips, and 0.014% of them were accidents. At $15 trip and so much convenience, I’ll take that chance.